From Oblivious to Empty...

Why do I always feel empty? I feel like I'm not looking in the right place. It feels like that I'm merely just pleasing myself with temporary things and I hate it.

Today at church, Pastor was talking about the love of the heavenly father. My memory isn't good enough for me to remember everything that He said. I remember that he mentioned something about our earthly fathers that we shouldn't always look up to them since they made mistakes. Also, he said that since our parents grew up in a different culture, their "ways" of raising the kid is much more different than today's. For example, some American kids don't even grow up with their fathers since of jobs or divorce and in China. They're with each other 24/7 and develop a closer relationship with they're fathers than we probably would or I would... I'm very grateful for my dad that he actually stayed home with me all my life. From when I was a kid, he was injured and can't walk properly. Because of this injury, I've been able to see him everyday when I get home and there's not a day when he's not. Maybe I take the presence of my earthly father for granted. I've never really thanked him for being there for me all my life because I've never really knew what its like when he's not there. I wonder what it'll be like in the near future when all sorts of things happen when I get older and things happen...

Today I realized that the only way really to rid of my empty feelings is to seek more of God. I usually decide not to look for God first and I just find some other pleasure to fill my emptiness. Although these pleasure may be here, I'm sometimes just down and empty inside. I don't like the feeling of brokenness. This is just always there.

Before I mentioned being oblivious. This oblivious state isn't the right word to describe me now. I can say that I'm starting to feel empty. But these two feelings are about the same feeling to me in emotion-wise except I'm just calling it empty instead of oblivious now...

To rid of the feeling is to seek God for haven. I now know that any other way isn't as successful than seeking. To seek, I must pray more, which I haven't been doing much. Now I feel like that I can pray more with my heart. I know that I will seek other things instead of God first but this is going to be my declaration over the internet (: I'm not sure what the declaration really is but I'm just going to leave this as it is.