okay so i dont feel like totally explaining everything with detail.. ill just say some random things about yesterday and today
yesterday i had the day off and did absolutely nothing besides watch avatar, spongebob and play warcraft.. and today was the first day of the 2nd term! (: and i got a lot of the old teachers which is good. im not in math enriched anymore... im in stupid math... aka regular math... and yeah (: im in art now... not so great since i have a crazy legally blind teacher... and im in band too!! intermediate but i was in it last term too :/ yeah... im planning to try out for SING! band tmr i hope at least... and do good or maybe thursday because they are probably going to do it again on thursday but i have to find a song to play right now... for tmr..
and i have a crappy bio teacher this term... Ms. George.. who i hear is infamously infamous... mhmmm thats how she rolls... i hope she doesnt hate me gah! and well i didnt do much really important and i have 8th period lunch and lots of cool people have this lunch with me so at least the end of the day lunch isnt so bad =/ yeah... this update has been extremely short but its alright i guess... and also i have a full schedule now and i cant slack off anymore and now some of my teachers will actually make me do work... so do you know what time it is now?
ITS WORK TIME!
Music
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
1-31-08!
Okay so from now on I'm going to try and record all of my daily events and as an ONLINE JOURNAL
sooo umm yeah ill try to say things in detail in a fun to read manner (: but im too lazy whatever ill do it anyway!!
okay so this morning I woke up at 8:40 or whatever and chinese school started at 9:30 and i got there at like 9:40 but im always late... and my teacher doesnt care at all...
Today Marked the first day of the chinese term yay!! hopefully i can learn something this semester and maybe take the SAT IIs for chinese... Then I cut the last half of class and left school at 11:00 am! except kevin stayed cuz he had to go study with brendan i think and idk how to spell his name at flushing library at 1:30 so he just didnt go to church. Then at around 11:20 i got there. It was a joint service and especially special since it was the first joint service where the big and little church people get together!!! in other words elders and youth, LIKE ME!! (: and kevin.
I wish that Kevin will decide to go to church with me one day and like going. I hope that it won't be something for him to be seen as a bother but as a blessing... yeah (:
Today when i went, i was the only one in my family who went. I say this because we can actually bring our parents to these kinds of services and get closer to them... The only problem is that I went all by myself. When I first walked in, i was all happy and sat next to Deborah! (: . But then When i saw first saw Julie and that she brought her mom, i felt really guilty that i didnt push my mom enough to come with me to church because she actually didnt mind going. Soon after i saw Joanne with hers... =/ Then soon enough, I really started to feel down and that I was the only person in my family there and that not even Kevin was there. And I eventually felt really empty in the end. 'Tis why i wrote a post on emptiness last post... and I just felt depressed a bit later and THEN WE WENT TO KISSENA!!!! YAY!!! ~cut
Yeah and at church i was trying to make "come and hither" faces which im still not too sure of what that means... and omg THE WEATHER today.. AWESOME 41 DEGREES can you believe that?? well its amazing since every day is extremely cold except for todays.
~Continued (:
except it took forever to get to where we wanted since we went on a treacherous journey. Like the way we took to go there was filled with big mud piles... thin sheet of snow, ice, water, EVEN MORE MUD and MY SHOES GOT FRIGGIN DIRTY -_- yeah and like Luke started throwing snowballs so i did so too... except i forgot to bring my gloves... so i said whatever and started throwing em (: and along the way Joanne fell on her but and got muddy xD lol sorry Joanne. This was like around.. idk 1 or 2 o clock i dont remember that this whole journey happened. it was first departure from church. then walking to booth memorial then kissena blvd after messing around with ice and snow and mud. then to oak ave but in the process walking in a field of mud and screwing up my shoes in the process... And i was with conner and joanne at this time (: then we went to a part of kissena with swings and like dan crashed into rebekah in the process of doing this and winnie recorded a video of this lol. and like i was having a snowball fight with conner.. and he won -_- but i still managed to hang onto him while my bad was on the floor getting wet -_- and of course with no mittens nor gloves (: GAH this is taking forever
AND SO.... we left after and like we walked 30 minutes or 20.. idk to Lukie's (thats what Esther calls him i think) house and like yeah... we watched handcock and i played an awesome card game called GOLF but I LOST EVERY TIME man which sucks. In Handcock... i made some comments that were supposedly awkward or something i forgot the word Curlific used, but like i was saying how Aaron (the superwoman;s kid) was ugly and how he was going to be scarred for life (seeing Handcock xD ,not like that,dead and stuff and his mom and gun fights and yeah.. but its a movie so who cares (: ) mhmm... and then we worshiped in the living room which motivated me to do the blog post before this too. But i thought that it was amazing and that the day was amazing. I wished that it could last forever but things in life cant last forever but it would be awesome if it did. Today was really stress-cleansing-ly yeah i hope that made sense YEPS (: and thus i went home and played warcraft III (:
I hope that I will have enough patience to write other posts like this in the future... LIKE EVERYDAY which im planning to do (:
okay IF YOU READ THIS.. you have no life or that my post was REALLY INTERESTING or that you just wanted to and thank you
lol bye (:
sooo umm yeah ill try to say things in detail in a fun to read manner (: but im too lazy whatever ill do it anyway!!
okay so this morning I woke up at 8:40 or whatever and chinese school started at 9:30 and i got there at like 9:40 but im always late... and my teacher doesnt care at all...
Today Marked the first day of the chinese term yay!! hopefully i can learn something this semester and maybe take the SAT IIs for chinese... Then I cut the last half of class and left school at 11:00 am! except kevin stayed cuz he had to go study with brendan i think and idk how to spell his name at flushing library at 1:30 so he just didnt go to church. Then at around 11:20 i got there. It was a joint service and especially special since it was the first joint service where the big and little church people get together!!! in other words elders and youth, LIKE ME!! (: and kevin.
I wish that Kevin will decide to go to church with me one day and like going. I hope that it won't be something for him to be seen as a bother but as a blessing... yeah (:
Today when i went, i was the only one in my family who went. I say this because we can actually bring our parents to these kinds of services and get closer to them... The only problem is that I went all by myself. When I first walked in, i was all happy and sat next to Deborah! (: . But then When i saw first saw Julie and that she brought her mom, i felt really guilty that i didnt push my mom enough to come with me to church because she actually didnt mind going. Soon after i saw Joanne with hers... =/ Then soon enough, I really started to feel down and that I was the only person in my family there and that not even Kevin was there. And I eventually felt really empty in the end. 'Tis why i wrote a post on emptiness last post... and I just felt depressed a bit later and THEN WE WENT TO KISSENA!!!! YAY!!! ~cut
Yeah and at church i was trying to make "come and hither" faces which im still not too sure of what that means... and omg THE WEATHER today.. AWESOME 41 DEGREES can you believe that?? well its amazing since every day is extremely cold except for todays.
~Continued (:
except it took forever to get to where we wanted since we went on a treacherous journey. Like the way we took to go there was filled with big mud piles... thin sheet of snow, ice, water, EVEN MORE MUD and MY SHOES GOT FRIGGIN DIRTY -_- yeah and like Luke started throwing snowballs so i did so too... except i forgot to bring my gloves... so i said whatever and started throwing em (: and along the way Joanne fell on her but and got muddy xD lol sorry Joanne. This was like around.. idk 1 or 2 o clock i dont remember that this whole journey happened. it was first departure from church. then walking to booth memorial then kissena blvd after messing around with ice and snow and mud. then to oak ave but in the process walking in a field of mud and screwing up my shoes in the process... And i was with conner and joanne at this time (: then we went to a part of kissena with swings and like dan crashed into rebekah in the process of doing this and winnie recorded a video of this lol. and like i was having a snowball fight with conner.. and he won -_- but i still managed to hang onto him while my bad was on the floor getting wet -_- and of course with no mittens nor gloves (: GAH this is taking forever
AND SO.... we left after and like we walked 30 minutes or 20.. idk to Lukie's (thats what Esther calls him i think) house and like yeah... we watched handcock and i played an awesome card game called GOLF but I LOST EVERY TIME man which sucks. In Handcock... i made some comments that were supposedly awkward or something i forgot the word Curlific used, but like i was saying how Aaron (the superwoman;s kid) was ugly and how he was going to be scarred for life (seeing Handcock xD ,not like that,dead and stuff and his mom and gun fights and yeah.. but its a movie so who cares (: ) mhmm... and then we worshiped in the living room which motivated me to do the blog post before this too. But i thought that it was amazing and that the day was amazing. I wished that it could last forever but things in life cant last forever but it would be awesome if it did. Today was really stress-cleansing-ly yeah i hope that made sense YEPS (: and thus i went home and played warcraft III (:
I hope that I will have enough patience to write other posts like this in the future... LIKE EVERYDAY which im planning to do (:
okay IF YOU READ THIS.. you have no life or that my post was REALLY INTERESTING or that you just wanted to and thank you
lol bye (:
From Oblivious to Empty...
Why do I always feel empty? I feel like I'm not looking in the right place. It feels like that I'm merely just pleasing myself with temporary things and I hate it.
Today at church, Pastor was talking about the love of the heavenly father. My memory isn't good enough for me to remember everything that He said. I remember that he mentioned something about our earthly fathers that we shouldn't always look up to them since they made mistakes. Also, he said that since our parents grew up in a different culture, their "ways" of raising the kid is much more different than today's. For example, some American kids don't even grow up with their fathers since of jobs or divorce and in China. They're with each other 24/7 and develop a closer relationship with they're fathers than we probably would or I would... I'm very grateful for my dad that he actually stayed home with me all my life. From when I was a kid, he was injured and can't walk properly. Because of this injury, I've been able to see him everyday when I get home and there's not a day when he's not. Maybe I take the presence of my earthly father for granted. I've never really thanked him for being there for me all my life because I've never really knew what its like when he's not there. I wonder what it'll be like in the near future when all sorts of things happen when I get older and things happen...
Today I realized that the only way really to rid of my empty feelings is to seek more of God. I usually decide not to look for God first and I just find some other pleasure to fill my emptiness. Although these pleasure may be here, I'm sometimes just down and empty inside. I don't like the feeling of brokenness. This is just always there.
Before I mentioned being oblivious. This oblivious state isn't the right word to describe me now. I can say that I'm starting to feel empty. But these two feelings are about the same feeling to me in emotion-wise except I'm just calling it empty instead of oblivious now...
To rid of the feeling is to seek God for haven. I now know that any other way isn't as successful than seeking. To seek, I must pray more, which I haven't been doing much. Now I feel like that I can pray more with my heart. I know that I will seek other things instead of God first but this is going to be my declaration over the internet (: I'm not sure what the declaration really is but I'm just going to leave this as it is.
Today at church, Pastor was talking about the love of the heavenly father. My memory isn't good enough for me to remember everything that He said. I remember that he mentioned something about our earthly fathers that we shouldn't always look up to them since they made mistakes. Also, he said that since our parents grew up in a different culture, their "ways" of raising the kid is much more different than today's. For example, some American kids don't even grow up with their fathers since of jobs or divorce and in China. They're with each other 24/7 and develop a closer relationship with they're fathers than we probably would or I would... I'm very grateful for my dad that he actually stayed home with me all my life. From when I was a kid, he was injured and can't walk properly. Because of this injury, I've been able to see him everyday when I get home and there's not a day when he's not. Maybe I take the presence of my earthly father for granted. I've never really thanked him for being there for me all my life because I've never really knew what its like when he's not there. I wonder what it'll be like in the near future when all sorts of things happen when I get older and things happen...
Today I realized that the only way really to rid of my empty feelings is to seek more of God. I usually decide not to look for God first and I just find some other pleasure to fill my emptiness. Although these pleasure may be here, I'm sometimes just down and empty inside. I don't like the feeling of brokenness. This is just always there.
Before I mentioned being oblivious. This oblivious state isn't the right word to describe me now. I can say that I'm starting to feel empty. But these two feelings are about the same feeling to me in emotion-wise except I'm just calling it empty instead of oblivious now...
To rid of the feeling is to seek God for haven. I now know that any other way isn't as successful than seeking. To seek, I must pray more, which I haven't been doing much. Now I feel like that I can pray more with my heart. I know that I will seek other things instead of God first but this is going to be my declaration over the internet (: I'm not sure what the declaration really is but I'm just going to leave this as it is.
Friday, January 30, 2009
end of finals!! (:
Yay!!! It's the end of finals week. I'm so happy!!! Now i feel like i can do all the crap i can now and not feel guilty!! ~for a while that is... Today I took bio test... and it was semi easy/ hard... (not thats what she said because im trying not to be a big pervert) and also easier than expected. This is probably because yesterday i spent 6 hours cramming what the whole term's bio lessons into my head.. and it actually worked!! (with the help of a CD that like had lessons to every chapter (: ) and after bio which was the global final... also crammed because Ben spent 40 minutes cramming the whole term;s worth of bio into my head... actually learned a lot but probably going to forget it all.. oh well...
Went home with Joanne Julie Winnie Tyrik LITERALLY... after QCM (is the M necessary?) and they like freeloaded off of my APARTMENT SPACE which i hope makes sense... and like winnie sat on my pillow -_- which im not quite fond of and sorry for yelling at you xD i was pissed off around that time because julie and joanne were like... making fun of my non stop for like 30 minutes because i have too many friends who are girls.. WHICH IS ANNOYING and im still ticked off by that
you better beg for my forgiveness or else im never going to talk to you guys again
COMMENT IN THIS POST and i forgive you (:
and after i went home i went to church (: and played uno stack-erm thingies... idk and scrabble!! which i suck at apparently... because i such at it but i made obscene words such as pen0r and (a bundle of xigars- haha xigars get it? haha! no? alright...) yeah so that was my day... bye
Went home with Joanne Julie Winnie Tyrik LITERALLY... after QCM (is the M necessary?) and they like freeloaded off of my APARTMENT SPACE which i hope makes sense... and like winnie sat on my pillow -_- which im not quite fond of and sorry for yelling at you xD i was pissed off around that time because julie and joanne were like... making fun of my non stop for like 30 minutes because i have too many friends who are girls.. WHICH IS ANNOYING and im still ticked off by that
you better beg for my forgiveness or else im never going to talk to you guys again
COMMENT IN THIS POST and i forgive you (:
and after i went home i went to church (: and played uno stack-erm thingies... idk and scrabble!! which i suck at apparently... because i such at it but i made obscene words such as pen0r and (a bundle of xigars- haha xigars get it? haha! no? alright...) yeah so that was my day... bye
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
update?? a bit
I havent wrote on my blog for a week so ill just put something in now...
I don't really have much deep things to say but I'll just say that its hard to always have a good state of mind where you know what to do and where you know what you should be doing. Also, I haven't prayed much recently so I hope that I will catch up with all those missed prayers. ):
Right now I was studying for tomorrow's math final and after that I'm going to study with Julie!! yay!!!! I can't wait. I have to prepare for that tonight. We're supposedly studying for the bio and ss finals this friday. I hope i do good on them and that we'll study really really mucho hard. Well Thats it for now. TIME TO STUDY
bye!
and trumpet skillz are getting better because im practicing... yay!
I don't really have much deep things to say but I'll just say that its hard to always have a good state of mind where you know what to do and where you know what you should be doing. Also, I haven't prayed much recently so I hope that I will catch up with all those missed prayers. ):
Right now I was studying for tomorrow's math final and after that I'm going to study with Julie!! yay!!!! I can't wait. I have to prepare for that tonight. We're supposedly studying for the bio and ss finals this friday. I hope i do good on them and that we'll study really really mucho hard. Well Thats it for now. TIME TO STUDY
bye!
and trumpet skillz are getting better because im practicing... yay!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Awkward
Will I ever be able to create a good companionship? Will I be unable to speak up my whole life? Will I ever have the have the motive to initiate those little conversations that won't end up screwed? Why must I always do this? I don't like this part of me... I'm just too awkward. Must I always analyze myself? I think I'm just a very awkward person. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I know too many people and I don't have much in common with most of them. Thus, I can't think of what to say... making many things too awkward. I am even too awkward around a lot of my close friends. This makes me wonder about my wanting to be with him or her. Perhaps this is the way I am and is a part of my flaws. I don't wish to be a very awkward person at certain points when I talk to certain people. It's just in me and I can't think of something to say and/or making the conversation all awkward and random. I'm not knowledgeable in most things, so this cuts off a lot of common ground with everyone. They will just know me as an acquaintance who knows nothing of this world and is too deprived. I'm not so scared to let everyone know this anymore. I was once naive and ignorant of who I was, never wanting to admit my faults, always shying away from the truth. Now, I'm alright about this, but I sometimes don't know what to say to people because I never have anything to say. Anywhere I go, I want to talk to someone. Sometimes, I'm lucky and talk spontaneously. Other times, I become nervous and can't seem to find any conversations to begin. When others start them, I feel like that I could be the one doing it, but I don't feel this as much as I did.
This flaw of mine will prevent a lot of the potential bonds I will make in the future. Some people think of me as a guy who can break the ice and never feel awkward around people. I think that I sort of am this kind of guy but I'm not at the same time. I'm the follower. I can't start many things, so I must be led. Maybe I can change by going to Stuyvesant Seekers Leadership Meetings... Perhaps...
When I speak, just too awkward most of the time. This is usually when it's one on one conversations. This is why I prefer being in a group with 2+ people since the others can start the conversations and I can always add random comments and potentially say things to say.
Haha... I need to break this awkwardness somehow. I need to ask some people... and learn myself. I need to find some way to become more spontaneous and less oblivious at the same time (starting to break that bad habit). Well... WISH ME LUCK!!
This flaw of mine will prevent a lot of the potential bonds I will make in the future. Some people think of me as a guy who can break the ice and never feel awkward around people. I think that I sort of am this kind of guy but I'm not at the same time. I'm the follower. I can't start many things, so I must be led. Maybe I can change by going to Stuyvesant Seekers Leadership Meetings... Perhaps...
When I speak, just too awkward most of the time. This is usually when it's one on one conversations. This is why I prefer being in a group with 2+ people since the others can start the conversations and I can always add random comments and potentially say things to say.
Haha... I need to break this awkwardness somehow. I need to ask some people... and learn myself. I need to find some way to become more spontaneous and less oblivious at the same time (starting to break that bad habit). Well... WISH ME LUCK!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
starting to get lost
It's only been what... not even two days since i met weiheng. It sure it easy to lost your train of thought and what you should pay attention to when you sin. But, I have to try to get back on my feet. Tomorrow, Ill have to try harder. May I find my priorities again.
God Bless
God Bless
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