THE LIST

Okay so, tomorrow is saturday and i want to clean out that empty room in our house because i REALLY want my own room. My work place is literally a place where i just chill. There's too many distractions and I shouldnt wait for my mom to clean it for me so ill just do it myself. I know that theres a lot of work to be done so ill have to work hard.
Once i finish it, ill start being more organized and ill start feeling more independant because i think that i really need to grow up and the way that im being raised right now is not the way to do it.

Also here's a MUST DO list for ALL TIME pretty much.

-THINK THINK THINK
-once i have a quiet room, i think that i wont be as oblivious as i am right now since i can actually have a quiet space all for myself and think of some random things like life and all other things that i can brainstorm
-CHURCH CHURCH CHURCH
-the church youth group im in, called interphase! because we came up with it today at Dan's house, is something i want to stick to and have dedication to, its very important to me and i want to put it above many other things in my life, i appreciate my being in this group and i thought that none of it was possible if it werent for my parents sending me to OLA since thats where my mom met jennifer's mom (i think its her mom who introduced it or dad found it himself) who introduced us to nationwide. and there i met jet and he practically changed my life forever, if it werent for him, i would be so much different, like a different person and i think that i would be a less mature and i dont know where ill be if i didnt meet him. because of him, i met winnie, joanne, william and we wanted to do a nationwide reunion, and because of that i met deborah and everyone else right now, like dan luke, rebekah julie david choi derek, i really just thank him for this life that God's given to me. Im just so grateful for all of this
-READ BOOKS
hehe, i think i really am deprived like julie said, i dont know any books in the library, so i think that ill ask her to recommend me some books if i have time to read them in my stuyvesant career, i really hope that i wont get much work so i have time to do what i have on this list, im putting what i actually think right now so my mind isnt so jumbled up later when i try to actually think of this since i dont think its possible when i have as much time as i do now without much stress
-CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN
-cleaning also helps me with my individuality and feel more responsible since my life can be more organized and i feel like i actually did something around the home rather than sitting there, and cleaning is just great overall and i plan to clean up that room tomorrow
-BEING MORE SERIOUS
-i think there are times when im not serious enough and times when i just fool around too much, sometimes i try to say things that arent spontaneous and it bothers me because i know that its not who i really am and i want to be more serious and actually show what my real personality is, and more serious i dont really mean like a boring person but perhaps im tryign to mean is, that theres a time for seriousness and i havent been so serious in those moments, so when i can actually be serious and try to contribute something, like in a serious brainstorming session, i can actually accomplish something in the end and i feel like that i actually got some work done because i havent felt that way in a while and i sort of feel guilty now that i notice how i dont put my heart into things and i dont feel so satisfied once its done since usually other people do it for me and i dont want to be that way.
-BE MORE FOCUSED IN LIFE
-what i mean is like, im too oblivious and non caring when im in those serious situations i said before, and not just in those situations, i mean that i want to pay attention to more things, i want to actually do something in a space rather than just being there listening to things that go into one ear and go out the other. I want to be more focused in life so i can absorb what i hear and remember what i see rather than just not caring where i am and i just go wherever people tell me to, i want to have my own opinion in things i want to participate in the real issues, the real talks, contributing my own ideas, the real events, the real life that i should be having and i think that right now im yearning for the things that i just said before, this is what i really mean and these are the things that i want to be from now one
-LEARN TO COOK
-today when i saw all the guys cooking i felt really bad, i felt like, what julie said, ive been really living under a box for my whole life, i never really decided to do things that i will have to learn before college, like cooking! and this year i should try to learn how to cook and learn other essential things that i need to know in life, like taking a calendar like i said before and like responsibilites that i dont know right now since i dont know any, i need to ask other people about it so i can actually learn them this year and get things accomplished
-STOP BEING A KID
-this sorta goes along with being serious but its very different, i havent been a good young adult, ive really been a kid, i ignore many people that i dont want to say right now, and i space them out and just talk to the people that i want to talk to, but i felt like that a while ago and i think that ive fixed that particular problem a bit but i still need to stop being a kid, i need to start having my own responsibilites, like doing my own laundry and buying essentials that i need to live, like grocery shopping, keeping lists that i need to buy, doing lists that can keep the house running, for ex. cleaning the bathtub that recently did, who;s going to do that? whose going to clean the bathroom? who's going to clean the bird cage that ive been making my dad do for more than FIVE YEARS
-FIND WAYS TO MAKE MY LIFE MORE EXCITING
- movies? reading? once i get my own room spice up life more because its so boring, once i get have my new room i can spice it up, jazz it up actually putting stuff up on the wall having my individuality, finding myself which i havent done in the last 14 years I want these things in my life to be more exciting
-FIND A HOBBY
- just some easy things to do for ex. rubik's cubes, read EW, journal, i really need to find somethign to take up my time, but this doesnt mean that its going to replace my study and homework time, because those are really important and i need to stick to my words when i say those things
-LEARN TO STEP OUT OF LINE AND TRY TO ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING
-dont just sit there and do nothing, try to actually absorb what im listening to, also like when i am given a chance to pray in church, i should just take that chance that i have so i can step out of line and do someting, and trying to actually learn something, i have to take myself out of my comfort zone, lose some pride that i have and try to get some talents
-BE MORE OBSERVANT
-If i become more observant, ill be able to actuallly absorb things and be able to repeat them like if im studying diligently, ill be able to teach someone else that ive learned in that time period
-MAKE MORE EYE CONTACT
-dont avoid conversations, umm this isnt as big as the other ones but i still think its important, i should make more eye contact, for reasons like i need people to be serious with me and theyll know if i make eye contact, i cant just look away when someone is talking to me and i they are expecting a response, ill just say something related to what we're talking about and ill be good
-STOP BEING A LAZY BUM
-im too lazy, ill never get anywhere in life, and also should stop labeling myself as a lazy bum because if i keep saying that, ill really be one and thats not how i want to live my life being so oblivious if im lazy
- right now i cant get anything done, im too lazy in my current work space and position, im on the couch and its just so hard to do anything in the spot im in and it just promotes more laziness and to be more unorganized
-PUT WORK FIRST AND STOP BEING SO LAZY
-I always go on facebook and never actually do things, i always bs them in some way and i dont want to go through the rest of my life like that, Being lazy is really messing me up and i dont want to live that way
-LIVE OUTSIDE THE BOX
-today i noticed how i have been living inside a box for my whole life and i want to start seeing the world as it is
-now i have to find my responsibilities in life, i need to find some talents that i have so i can actually feel good about myself and show girls how im useless like i am right now since i dont do anything when time comes when i actually can, im clueless in what i should do and im just a follower right now who does have much skill and talent to pass off, i want to actually get some so i wont feel miserable about myself
-LESS FACEBOOK
-facebook wastes my life and homework time, it comes in the way of my other goals
-MORE BLOGGING, INSTEAD OF FACEBOOK
-this blogging is my internet journal and i can keep up whats going on in my life because ive been forgetting things lately
-PRACTICE TRUMPET
-i want to practice trumpet more because i dont want to regret putting away another potential hobby that i have, i actaully need to have the dedication and courage to play it since ill be playing in Lincoln Center soon, and I dont want to feel bad about myself when Chih, the pro, plays it all while i mess around and screw around in the background. I should actually be more independant in my playing, i keep my own beat, i know when i should play, i should lead, and none of this will be possible if i dont practice, also when time comes when my friends actaully hear me play, like how luke suggested that i can play trumpet in the worship team, ill know what im doing and ill be ready when that moment comes. and of course, i want to mess around with the trumpet too, i need to find new ways to improve myself and more musically talented
-MOVE PIANO INTO MY NEW ROOM, so i can practice it
-i want to actually mess around in the piano during my free time and i dont want to go upstairs everytime just to mess around with it, id rather keep it in my room so i can get some talent in that too
-ORGANIZE COMPUTER
-my computer is a mess... i need more space, i need to fix the external harddrive, i need to know where my things are, and i think i want a new labtop.. seriously, so ill get a job and then i can get a new computer, wow i think thats the first time i actually wanted to buy something myself with the money that i make myself (will make), and now i just thought that i could make a banking account when that time comes, when i work and want to start saving money
-ORGANIZE MY WORKSPACE AND JUST EVERYTHING IN GENERAL
-my workspace on this couch on this small table is practically the worst place ever, i want my own space to do my work and i wont feel like an individual with all the distractions around me...
for example, the tv is on right now, kevin is playing warcraft, its just too distracting in general and i cant really get anywhere in life either without having my own room and workspace, i think its just impossible, and kevin said that i can be able to work anywhere, but i just want to start having my own room, i want to have the feel of having a close secure room where i can have my own time, think about things, do work, wake up by myself, everything that i want to do soon
-SIT PROPERLY
-i need to sit properly because my back will be screwed up and grow into an S shape and i dont want to have back problems when i grow up
-START TRYING TO LEARN CHINESE
- i should actually try and absorb what im learning, and this relates deeply in how im oblivious and all, once i actually learn some things i wont regret it for the rest of my life, like when i have kids, i dont want my parents to teach them, i can actually do it myself, and i think i can learn if i buy some books and a dictionary so in my free time i can learn Chinese and perhaps i can do the same when im studying for SAT subjects too and of course the regular SAT
-START TAKING CARE OF THINGS
-in other words i have to be more responsible and take care of my responsiblities, i cant let someone else do it for me, i want people to actually view me as someone reliable and someone who they can trust to do work for them in a way thats acceptable and in a way that can wow some people
-BE MORE CAREFUL IN ACTIONS, WORDS, and just overall and to not be so clumsy
-i just need to watch what i say and be aware of other people's feelings what i say it and in actions, i cant let people feel left out and i can show myself that i can be a good Christian
-IN TIMES OF DISCOMFORT, TRY TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL BETTER and HOPE FOR THE BEST
- when my friends or someone i know is in need of help, i have to prove myself in ways that i can actually help them feel better rather than just standing there, so in the future i need to equip myself in certain aspects and ways so these people can feel better
-TRY TO GET SOMEWHERE IN LIFE
-DONT LIVE UNDER A ROCK
-STOP BEING SO DEPRIVED AND ACTUALLY LIVE A GOOD LIFE, and to live a good life, ive pretty much explained my ideals for it in what i wrote before.

So now im going to make other lists that are going to be very important in this upcoming year